I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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