kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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