Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
