She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
