Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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