i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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