It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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