Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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