dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And then he peed in my hair
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