This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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