This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
