oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Green mimosas i think yes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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