I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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