fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize