On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My sheets look like a crime scene.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
