Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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