she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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