I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
