Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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