I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i now understand why vodka
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize