If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
