Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize