That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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