Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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