do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i think i just lost a toe
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
