Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
