I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
