it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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