Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
