please come you make the beer taste better
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
