Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
