He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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