my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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