OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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