Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
