If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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