Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
