i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
