I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
nutella sex= disaster
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
