Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
