A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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