They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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