he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
