whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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