He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
