I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize