I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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