I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
