I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize