A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Buhtt sex?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
