sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We're too hungover to prance.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My feet surprised me
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