i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
