Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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