he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
