I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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