I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
