When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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