I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
