I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
