how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
