I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
