I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
