I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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