I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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