I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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