How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
