Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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